Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
