I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize