She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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