just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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