Christians are straight up FREAKS
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
