i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
