Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
