My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
