You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
