I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
