He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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