Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
