Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
