while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
