chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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