quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
