i already hear my dad disowning me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
