i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize