Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
