I love black thongs
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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