I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
