The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
