I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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