if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
