So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize