is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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