My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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