Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize