8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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