i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
