Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
