She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
