I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
