Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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