I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i out mim tonsoeep
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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