I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
