i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
