remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
