I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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