Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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