Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
