you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
