can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
