My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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