i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
