You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
