I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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