i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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