I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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