brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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