is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
