i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just gargled with NyQuil
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
