I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
