i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
