One girl and one boy is just not enough.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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