it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
COCAINE IS GR8
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
