I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
