we're blogging at a bar
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
