I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
