I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
