The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
