Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
