I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
