you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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