oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
