i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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